Why Your 20's Aren't All That

If you're still not in your 20's or are fresh into them.. take this as a disclaimer to exit this page immediately. You're in for a rude awakening. 

I'm no expert, but I'll tell you what I am: A 20-something-year-old, single, young woman with two degrees, tons of student loan debt, who still lives at home with her parents. 

I'll tell you what, when I was growing up, I had this bright future mapped out for my 20-something-year-old self. I would go to college, once I graduated I'd be living in my own apartment on River Road in Edgewater (because with TWO degrees I should be able to afford it), I'd be driving a Lexus and would be building my future with an equally ambitious and accomplished man.

Being in your 20's is an adjustment phase. I thought it was something that only my generation goes through, but unfortunately it's the reality of life. Almost everyone who I speak to that is over 30 says their 20's were stressful and probably the toughest years of their life. 

Here are a few reasons why your 20's kind of suck:

1. You can't rent a car until you're 25

2. Most hotels won't let you rent a room until you're 21

3. Car insurance is expensive as hell 

4. You're too old to be sneaking around

5. You're too young to be sneaking around

6. Your sex life.. that's all I'll say about that

7. People around you start having babies and getting married which can make you question your own life... often

8.  After college you find yourself sharing a room with your siblings, living out of bags and storage bins, or sleeping on a twin sized bed

9. You want to go out but you can't because most of your friends have kids 

10. You're still uncomfortable telling or hearing sex jokes in front of older relatives

11. You're always being questioned about why your job has nothing to do with your degree

12. You realize that your life is BORING 

I'm sure there are several other things that I need to prepare myself for as I continue to go deeper into my 20's... but on the bright side.. they don't last forever!

What are some other difficulties you faced or are facing in your 20's? Please feel free to share below!!

-Follow me on Twitter @TrulyMsP

Ask no questions, hear no lies?

A very interesting conversation on twitter sparked up this morning, and it is something worth blogging about. It all stemmed around the question, "is omitting the truth considered lying?" Well, ladies and gents, this is my opinion... 

I'm not a liar, but I will knowingly omit certain things from certain conversations. It's more because I don't think it's your business rather than me hiding something from you. We've all done it. Your mom asks, "where were you?", your response is "After class I went to get something to eat with Julie and did laundry." You clearly skipped the part that while you were doing laundry your boo thang was laying in your room watching a movie with you... but she doesn't have to know that... right?

So did you just lie to your mom? (enter surprised face here) 

Another example is if your significant other goes to a party and when you ask them about it they fail to mention that their ex was there.. did they lie to you? See, I'm not one to ask questions in the first place-- to anyone. One of my biggest pet peeves is to be asked more than two or three questions (that's pushing it) during a conversation. I feel like if I want to tell you something, I'd tell you without having you grill me like some criminal. 

If you are purposely omitting something from a conversation that means you are hiding something. For the most part, I don't have anything to hide so if I'm not telling you something it's for a reason. I will tell you that if one of the few times I do decide to ask you a question and you know why I'm asking you, but you fail to include the information.. my trust in you has officially been jeopardized. 

Now, we all have different reasons for keeping things from someone. Just remember that the quote "everything that is done in the dark will come to light" is nothing less than the truth. It's usually best for people to find out certain things straight from the source than from someone else... that will cause a whole kind of unnecessary problem. 

Until next time.. 

Cheater's Delight

 

I don't even know where to begin with this post. This conversation is one that I hear over and over again. We've heard about it in the news; celebrities and us regular folk alike. 

"She's a home-wrecker."

After time to process everything I've seen, read, and heard.. I've come to a realization -- there is no such thing as a home-wrecker.

You may be wondering what kind of idiotic conclusion this is... Of course there are women who throw themselves on men who are married or in committed relationships. They flirt, wink, show a little leg.. even that corny little laugh where she'll playfully nudge him just to get a chance to touch him and see his reaction. This is all an obvious attempt to see how interested the man is in her. As women, we often throw subtle, and sometimes not so subtle hints at men letting them know we're into them. Whether we are doing it intentionally or not, we are sending them a message.. I want you. 

In my opinion this doesn't necessarily separate one woman from the other. Flirting is basically human nature for both sexes. Fighting temptation is the battle. People are quick to judge the Alicia's, Angelina's, and Gabrielle's without knowing the full situation. Although some people do just cheat for the hell of it, the thrill, if you must.. others will stray away from their relationships because they are no longer happy within that relationship. No one forces anyone to have an affair, not only a physical, but an emotional one. 

I'm not here condoning a cheater, or a woman who is deliberately trying to take a man from another woman. Anyone who chooses to give in to that temptation is solely responsible for their actions. You can have all of the temptation in the world it is up to you and ONLY you to choose what it is you want to do. You have the power to say no, or even avoid the situation getting too far. Everyone is quick to blame the "home-wrecker" but very few put blame on the person who chooses to leave the relationship. This leaves the woman with the Scarlet letter pinned to her chest all of her life, whether she stays with this man or not, while he gets a "get out of jail free" card. 

I know there are some of you who disagree, and that's perfectly fine. This is always going to be a debatable topic. I just felt that we need to focus more on what's in front of us rather than what we want others to believe. Neither person is a victim here. As conscious adults, the decision to participate in these actions is mutual. Any self respecting person who flirts and doesn't get the response they want, will stop. It only continues to build up if the other person allows it to. That being said, now how about you just don't cheat. Make the conscious decision to either work on your relationship or get out of it.. that way no one cheats and no one wrecks a home. Simple. 

Until next time. 

 

The Battle Must End...

This might be my most revealing and personal blog yet.. so bear with me. 

Oh, my life long battle with my weight. Here's the story. 

When I hit puberty at the tender age of 11, I was a hot tottie. I had a nice shape, pretty (acne free!) face, and I had boobies!! I knew early on that I was a little more over developed than my friends, most of which were not as well endowed as I was. I remember giving my friends pep talks because they would compare themselves to me, and I'd say "don't worry, you'll get yours soon." As time passed, my boobs grew to become what was "Sasha." Everywhere I went I was the girl with the big breasts. People would introduce me as "this is the girl I was telling you about." Talk about awkward... and uncomfortable.

When I was almost 12, I was heading at a dangerous pace and getting fat, quick. My mother noticed and took me to a nutritionist where I managed to lose 16 pounds. Alright girl! But as I left middle school, I knew that things were just going to get worse. I became overly concerned about my weight, not realizing that I was not fat, rather, extremely well endowed. As a teenage girl, with friends who were mainly dancers, I often felt out of place because I didn't have the same body as they did. I went to an all-girl school, yet I still found myself hiding under two bras, becoming more and more self conscious about my weight as time passed. 

Enter college. 

 

Those of you who have lived on a college campus know that if there's free food, you better be there! I wasn't eating right, and began to really put on some weight. My breasts became so heavy that I would fantasize about just chopping them off. My friends didn't understand me because most of them were thin and didn't see why I didn't embrace those knockers. My family didn't understand me. My mom is petite and my father thinks that I have no self control. When you live on campus you eat what you can. I did manage to go to the gym and stay active, but as my breasts continued to grow, and the back pains and muscle spasm followed, the only thing I could do was gain weight to support the growing watermelons I had to lug around. 

Finally, at 19 I reached my breaking point and explained to my parents that I wanted to enjoy my youth and they knew I couldn't take it anymore. I didn't tell anyone my plans, maybe two people, and I went during spring break and had a breast reduction. 

The morning before my surgery

After my surgery I thought I was going to start off with a clean slate. Boobies are gone, I will be happy now. Wrong. Now I had to lose the 30lbs that I put on within my first 2 years of college. I tried and tried, even when people thought I wasn't. My doctor would constantly criticize me, I'd hear it from family, and I tortured myself daily. I knew something was wrong. I used trainers, tried pills, countless diets, but I wouldn't be able to lose more than 10lbs, and gain them right back. It wasn't until I was 21 that I was diagnosed with PCOS (Polycystic Ovary Syndrome). This causes issues with hormones, which can essentially create an issue with weight gain. That summer I brought a good friend to live with me so that we could lose weight and start a healthy living together. Something about doing this with someone really motivates me. Together we lost almost 30lbs, and felt pretty damn good about ourselves. 

It didn't take long to put some of that weight back on, especially when I stopped working out. This seems to be my main problem. It's not so much my self control or food intake, it's my lack of physical activity. Yea, I enjoy going out to eat, but I've never really overindulged to the point to be at the weight I currently find myself at. I have my days where I feel super fantastic, and others where I just feel like me and Precious could swap clothes from each others closet. I often feel like a failure. Why can't I just finish what I've started? I lack motivation most of the time, especially when I'm not seeing the results even when people around me do. 

I don't have a problem with men. Even with all of my excess weight, I can still "bag", as the young kids say. My insecurities partially play into effect because of a situation I went through with someone who as nice as he was, was very shallow. I knew I wasn't his type, but somehow I managed to attract him-- maybe it was just my charming personality and hypnotizing smile. Deep down I knew it wouldn't last because he was not keen on people knowing I existed to him in romantic way. Not for nothing but this girl is a pretty good catch! Any man who has been associated with me knows this. So to you sir, I say... your loss. 

Anyway, after being on some medication which caused me to gain a few extra pounds, I have decided to invest my whole being into living a healthier life, period. Despite what I weigh, I want to look and feel good. I've been taking baby steps, but I see things improving. Fighting a battle with the scale is not one which I'm trying to continue to go through for the rest of my life. I came off of those stupid meds, and am sure now that I have 100% focus, I will prevail. 

Time will tell. 

Four years later.

Happy Wife, Happy Life?

As "new age" women, we are often faced with some interesting questions about how we choose to live our lives. While driving to work this morning, the topic of conversation was "Would you prefer to work or be a stay-at-home mom?" And they also opened it up to the men and asked them which position they would like their lady to take. Some of the answers were very realistic. Several men even said that if their lady's career meant so much to them and they were able to provide for the family, they would be stay-at-home dads. Other answers were very old fashioned; "A woman belongs home to cook, clean, and take care of the kids." Most of the people responding agreed that it would be ideal if at least one parent should be around to take care of the kids. 

Here's my answer. I don't know exactly what the future holds for me and if things will go as I would like them to. I anticipate having a career. Not for nothing, but I didn't get a Master's degree just to hang it on my wall to stare at while I bake cookies and my kids have their play dates. I am ambitious and goal-oriented. Now, that in mind, this doesn't mean I'd put my career over my family. Balancing a career and a family is no easy task, but it can be done. My mom has worked all of my life, yet the house was always clean and there was always a hot meal on the table.  She was there to take me to and from piano classes, take my sisters to dance, attend all of our recitals and school plays, and be on the front line cheering us on. So I know this can be done. Is it difficult? Absolutely. In a perfect world I would like to have my own business and be my own boss. This would give me the opportunity to still make my own money and not have to be financially dependent on my husband, as well as be there when my kids need me. 

I don't want to be a helicopter parent or hover over them at all times, but I do think that in the era that we're living, children need their parents around more than ever. I can't expect for someone else to raise my child for me. I was a nanny for several years where I did everything for the kids that their parents should have been doing with and for them. From being the one to get them ready for school, to taking them on play dates and after school activities, to making dinner, giving them a bath and putting them to sleep. I witnessed several meltdowns from kids when their moms would have to go to work or a late night meeting. I don't ever want my kids to feel like I'm missing out on any part of their life. Or to not have the option to be there because my job needs me just as badly. 

I'm not knocking the women who work hard to make sure their kids have the best of everything. I know some women who have kids just because that's what their man wants and I believe that is the worst thing to do to try to save your relationship. If you're not ready to be a mom, or simply don't feel it's for you, don't do it. It's simple. I, on the other hand, am prepared to make the sacrifices necessary to make sure my family never wants for anything.. not financially and not emotionally. It shouldn't be a sacrifice if it's something you really want. I've always dreamed of having children and being a wife as much as I've dreamed of walking the red carpet, being on the radio, and owning my own business. Happy medium? I'll find it.  

Follow me on twitter @trulymsp.. 

The Old & Lonely

A few days ago I was sitting at my desk at work doing absolutely nothing. It was Friday and I was counting the minutes until I was able to start my weekend. An old lady who does some of the cleaning for the building came by. She never really acknowledges me. She just comes in to fill up her bottle of water and goes right back out the door. On this particular day she decided to sit in my office and just stare at me. In her heavy Italian accent she said, "you new here?" I smiled and said yes. She apologized for never saying hello to me but that she thought I was just a temp and didn't want to risk getting too close to me only for me to leave. I assured her that I was here to stay for a while. I stared her up and down. I don't think she's any younger than 80 years old, short and stubby, with her long gray hair pulled back into a ponytail. 

I didn't do much talking. For the thirty minutes she sat with me she told me how she only works one hour a day and it's really just to get out of the house. She told me her husband died ten years ago and she was grateful for this institution and the support they have shown her all of these years. As she spoke she rubbed her knee and said that she was in pain, but she doesn't let it stop her. "You so beautiful", she said to me over and over. It took a lot of concentration to understand what she was saying since her accent was so thick, but I managed to get it. She was telling me how now that it's nice out she needs to start cutting the grass in her house but she didn't think her knees would let her. This led me to the ultimate question, does this lady have any family?

The question in my mind was, are her kids really leaving this poor old lady to fend for herself? I managed to get it in during one of her silent moments, "do you have any kids?" She looked at me with a sad smile and said "No, I wish I did." This broke my heart. Now I understood why she was sitting here with me telling me everything she possibly could about her life; she was lonely. This lady had lost her husband, and has probably outlived most of her family and friends. I began to think of my own mother and grandmother and how I'd hate for them to be on their own like that. 

She asked me, "You have boyfriend?" I gave her my own sad smile, but didn't say anything. It was like if she was a teenage girl again and told me how in Italy she used to have multiple boyfriends at the same time. "I like when young girls like you have boyfriends. It means they not alone." I got even sadder. For my own personal reasons, as well as for her. She clearly likes seeing people happy and together, because she's on the opposite side of happiness. It took her a few minutes to manage to get out of her chair. Apologizing for talking so much, she smiled and once again told me how beautiful I was. I said, "You can come back any time you want." With that she wished me great weekend and said she'd see me during the week. 

I don't know exactly where I wanted to go by telling this story, but it really hit my heart. We often think we're all alone and torture ourselves by isolating ourselves from those who love us. If this lady had the opportunity to have at least those thirty minutes she spent with me, to spend with her husband or someone she loved, I'm sure she'd switch with one of us in a heartbeat.

5 Words to Prioritize in 2012

Wow, it's been almost a month since the last time I blogged? Excuse me while I smack myself on the back of the head! Well, just be prepared because I have a few posts coming up all at once.

I feel like this is a great first blog for the year. I have compiled a few words which I think we should use more often for our own well being. These are the ones which I thought most important, but feel free to comment and add some of your own.

5 Words to Prioritize in 2012:


1. NO
 - If you're like me, you may be known as a "Yes" person. I have a huge heart but people have slowly began to catch on to this and learned to use it against me. I'm always the friend who offers to help save any and all situations. I've slowly learned that saying "No" and knowing when to take off the magic cape is OK every once in a while. It doesn't make you a bad person; neither does it make you selfish or mean. Don't overuse the word, just know that saying NO isn't necessarily a one-way ticket to hell. I'm sure the angels take personal days too.

2. WHATEVER
- Most women are on to something when they use this word. People (particularly men and parents) are quick to say that when using this word women are being dismissive and rude. Not so fast my friends. This is a word which used in numerous ways but is automatically considered a negative connotation. I believe this word can be used as a way to mend. "Whatever, it's his loss." Say "whatever", mean it, and move forward.

3. NOW
- Ahh! Instant gratification. I'm pretty good at this and it is a word for more personal use than anything else. As kids we are taught to get over this phase. "It's mine and I want it now!" When using this word we are claiming what we want. Whether it's eating that bar of chocolate during that time of the month, or claiming that you are opening that business "now", make it happen. Even telling someone, "I want you.. now." Self-gratification is always paid in full.

4. LIFE
- It's simple. Be happy you have one and still have time to make yours count. It sounds cliche but every day you wake up is anther day to be thankful. Yes, we all have problems and situations in our lives we wish were different. Eventually we see how everything really does happen for a reason. I read something once that I'll always remember.. "If we all threw our problems into a hat and grabbed someone else's, we'd be begging to take ours back."

5. SMILE
- "I love smiling. Smiling's my favorite" Buddy from the movie Elf says this all the time. Just smile. It makes people wonder what you did wrong.

Make this the year of change and believe that everything that is good already belongs to you. Seriously. The happier people are, the better the world will become. It all starts with you. Are you up for the challenge?