Happy Wife, Happy Life?

As "new age" women, we are often faced with some interesting questions about how we choose to live our lives. While driving to work this morning, the topic of conversation was "Would you prefer to work or be a stay-at-home mom?" And they also opened it up to the men and asked them which position they would like their lady to take. Some of the answers were very realistic. Several men even said that if their lady's career meant so much to them and they were able to provide for the family, they would be stay-at-home dads. Other answers were very old fashioned; "A woman belongs home to cook, clean, and take care of the kids." Most of the people responding agreed that it would be ideal if at least one parent should be around to take care of the kids. 

Here's my answer. I don't know exactly what the future holds for me and if things will go as I would like them to. I anticipate having a career. Not for nothing, but I didn't get a Master's degree just to hang it on my wall to stare at while I bake cookies and my kids have their play dates. I am ambitious and goal-oriented. Now, that in mind, this doesn't mean I'd put my career over my family. Balancing a career and a family is no easy task, but it can be done. My mom has worked all of my life, yet the house was always clean and there was always a hot meal on the table.  She was there to take me to and from piano classes, take my sisters to dance, attend all of our recitals and school plays, and be on the front line cheering us on. So I know this can be done. Is it difficult? Absolutely. In a perfect world I would like to have my own business and be my own boss. This would give me the opportunity to still make my own money and not have to be financially dependent on my husband, as well as be there when my kids need me. 

I don't want to be a helicopter parent or hover over them at all times, but I do think that in the era that we're living, children need their parents around more than ever. I can't expect for someone else to raise my child for me. I was a nanny for several years where I did everything for the kids that their parents should have been doing with and for them. From being the one to get them ready for school, to taking them on play dates and after school activities, to making dinner, giving them a bath and putting them to sleep. I witnessed several meltdowns from kids when their moms would have to go to work or a late night meeting. I don't ever want my kids to feel like I'm missing out on any part of their life. Or to not have the option to be there because my job needs me just as badly. 

I'm not knocking the women who work hard to make sure their kids have the best of everything. I know some women who have kids just because that's what their man wants and I believe that is the worst thing to do to try to save your relationship. If you're not ready to be a mom, or simply don't feel it's for you, don't do it. It's simple. I, on the other hand, am prepared to make the sacrifices necessary to make sure my family never wants for anything.. not financially and not emotionally. It shouldn't be a sacrifice if it's something you really want. I've always dreamed of having children and being a wife as much as I've dreamed of walking the red carpet, being on the radio, and owning my own business. Happy medium? I'll find it.  

Follow me on twitter @trulymsp.. 

The Secret

"Single ladies, I can't hear ya'll.. single ladies.. make noise!!"

I speak for myself when I say that I don't need a man to provide for me. I can fully take care of myself, pay my bills, take myself to the finest restaurants and vacations. I have two degrees, a great personality, and although I have a few extra pounds, I'm beautiful. Now, I'm not going all "girl power"on you, I'm just setting a foundation for the information I'm about to hand out. There's a lot of us out there these days who have the qualities that I just listed, strong, no BS taking women, who are single and (some) loving it more than others. I'm here to tell you that there is nothing wrong with all of the above, but after a conversation with a friend a few days ago, I feel more women need to hear what I'm about to say. 

 

Being such a strong woman definitely has its perks. Now, if you wonder why you're single, I'm here to tell you, you may be a bit intimidating to most men. It's obvious that a good man wants to be able to provide for you, take care of you, and be your comfort. If you are constantly bringing up the fact that you can do things on your own, he will begin to feel emasculated. You may not even notice you're doing it, but you have to understand that no matter how much times change, a man wants to know that you still need him. I'm not saying I've had the most perfect relationships, but I can sure as hell play the damsel in distress when I need to. One of my exes told a friend of mine "I know she doesn't need me, but she lets her guard down to make it look like she does, and that means a lot to me." Whether it's letting him drive wherever we go, having him cut my steak when we're at dinner, or just giving him control of a situation every once in a while, it's up to us to let him feel like we need him. 

 

Think about it, you don't want to be with someone who you clearly know doesn't need you. You want to feel that you're bringing something to this persons life that they don't already have.. in this case, it's a man. I saw the movie "Think Like A Man" a few weeks ago and one of the women was told by a man that she didn't need a man because she was one. *Ouch*. The friend who I had this conversation with told me that she's never been able to tone it down for any man. I explained to her how important this really is to his ego. 

 

It's OK to not be in control all of the time. I recently find myself in a situation where I don't necessarily feel like I have to be in charge, because I know everything will be just fine. Maybe that's what we're waiting for, that one person who effortlessly brings it out of us. Flip your hair, put your feet up, and know your man's got it. That's all he wants..