The Secret

"Single ladies, I can't hear ya'll.. single ladies.. make noise!!"

I speak for myself when I say that I don't need a man to provide for me. I can fully take care of myself, pay my bills, take myself to the finest restaurants and vacations. I have two degrees, a great personality, and although I have a few extra pounds, I'm beautiful. Now, I'm not going all "girl power"on you, I'm just setting a foundation for the information I'm about to hand out. There's a lot of us out there these days who have the qualities that I just listed, strong, no BS taking women, who are single and (some) loving it more than others. I'm here to tell you that there is nothing wrong with all of the above, but after a conversation with a friend a few days ago, I feel more women need to hear what I'm about to say. 

 

Being such a strong woman definitely has its perks. Now, if you wonder why you're single, I'm here to tell you, you may be a bit intimidating to most men. It's obvious that a good man wants to be able to provide for you, take care of you, and be your comfort. If you are constantly bringing up the fact that you can do things on your own, he will begin to feel emasculated. You may not even notice you're doing it, but you have to understand that no matter how much times change, a man wants to know that you still need him. I'm not saying I've had the most perfect relationships, but I can sure as hell play the damsel in distress when I need to. One of my exes told a friend of mine "I know she doesn't need me, but she lets her guard down to make it look like she does, and that means a lot to me." Whether it's letting him drive wherever we go, having him cut my steak when we're at dinner, or just giving him control of a situation every once in a while, it's up to us to let him feel like we need him. 

 

Think about it, you don't want to be with someone who you clearly know doesn't need you. You want to feel that you're bringing something to this persons life that they don't already have.. in this case, it's a man. I saw the movie "Think Like A Man" a few weeks ago and one of the women was told by a man that she didn't need a man because she was one. *Ouch*. The friend who I had this conversation with told me that she's never been able to tone it down for any man. I explained to her how important this really is to his ego. 

 

It's OK to not be in control all of the time. I recently find myself in a situation where I don't necessarily feel like I have to be in charge, because I know everything will be just fine. Maybe that's what we're waiting for, that one person who effortlessly brings it out of us. Flip your hair, put your feet up, and know your man's got it. That's all he wants.. 

Stop Playing Games

"Hey lady, let me tell you why I can't live my life without you. Every time I see you walking by I can not breathe. You don't understand, but in time you will. I must make you understand.. I wanna be your man."


That introduction was brought to you by a little inspiration from one of my favorite movies. A lot can be said in this entry based on the lyrics to that song. We could discuss how back some years ago songs were sweet tales of how to romance your lady and the difference to how most songs out right now are only talking about one night stands and cheating on your girl. That's not where I'm trying to go with this, though I have a long list of comparisons. Music just ain't what it used to be.

Getting down to business. I want you to really analyze the lyrics to this song. I wanna be your man. Whew! Ladies, when was the last time you heard something like this? I feel like men these days are taking advantage of good women and letting these women go simply because they refuse to become an official couple. I can remember a time when every woman longed for the day when the guy they were seeing would officially ask them to be their girlfriend. It seems like this doesn't even happen anymore. They leave it up to your imagination. How do you present this man you've been seeing for 7 months to your friends and family? Do you say, "this is my boo, Tony", or "this is the man I'm currently sleeping with but I don't know if this is really going anywhere so you may not even see him at the next event?" A grown woman should NOT have to be questioning where she stands with a man and I feel that this is a mistake many women, including myself, have fallen victim to.

I can't say the men are completely to blame here either. We make it easy for them to settle into a relationship which they can gladly walk out of, no strings attached. Many of us find ourselves cooking, cleaning, taking care of him in all ways possible, giving him no legitimate reason to even consider changing things to make it official. How much more official can it really get? Deep down it may even make you comfortable and figure that since everything is going well, why add a title? I'll tell you why right now. This is a cop out for many men. The whole "we don't need a title" thing is all BS. Why? Because when the relationship has run its course and you ask for an explanation, his response will always be "you weren't my girl."

Let's be realistic here. As women we think that by bringing up the whole "girlfriend" thing we're pressuring them into it. We want this to be a natural transition and have this romantic idea of how we want him to ask. Well, I choose to no longer assume what my status is with whoever it is I date. I believe by stating expectations from the very beginning of the relationship you can avoid a lot of drama and plenty of heartache. I speak from experience when I say that hearing how I wasn't the "girlfriend" cut deep. Again, we play the role of Susie Homemaker, not asking for anything but clarification in return, only to have it thrown in our face once it's over.     The truth is that if everyone states their expectations from the beginning, no one gets hurt. Now, if he tells you he's not ready for a relationship, and you are... run! This is going to be a never-ending cycle of "what if" for you.

I am a strong believer that at a certain point in life there's no more time for games. If you feel that you're not ready for a relationship and find yourself with a woman who is, either decide you're willing to take up a relationship or don't continue to lead her on. Save yourself a headache in the long run.