The Secret

"Single ladies, I can't hear ya'll.. single ladies.. make noise!!"

I speak for myself when I say that I don't need a man to provide for me. I can fully take care of myself, pay my bills, take myself to the finest restaurants and vacations. I have two degrees, a great personality, and although I have a few extra pounds, I'm beautiful. Now, I'm not going all "girl power"on you, I'm just setting a foundation for the information I'm about to hand out. There's a lot of us out there these days who have the qualities that I just listed, strong, no BS taking women, who are single and (some) loving it more than others. I'm here to tell you that there is nothing wrong with all of the above, but after a conversation with a friend a few days ago, I feel more women need to hear what I'm about to say. 

 

Being such a strong woman definitely has its perks. Now, if you wonder why you're single, I'm here to tell you, you may be a bit intimidating to most men. It's obvious that a good man wants to be able to provide for you, take care of you, and be your comfort. If you are constantly bringing up the fact that you can do things on your own, he will begin to feel emasculated. You may not even notice you're doing it, but you have to understand that no matter how much times change, a man wants to know that you still need him. I'm not saying I've had the most perfect relationships, but I can sure as hell play the damsel in distress when I need to. One of my exes told a friend of mine "I know she doesn't need me, but she lets her guard down to make it look like she does, and that means a lot to me." Whether it's letting him drive wherever we go, having him cut my steak when we're at dinner, or just giving him control of a situation every once in a while, it's up to us to let him feel like we need him. 

 

Think about it, you don't want to be with someone who you clearly know doesn't need you. You want to feel that you're bringing something to this persons life that they don't already have.. in this case, it's a man. I saw the movie "Think Like A Man" a few weeks ago and one of the women was told by a man that she didn't need a man because she was one. *Ouch*. The friend who I had this conversation with told me that she's never been able to tone it down for any man. I explained to her how important this really is to his ego. 

 

It's OK to not be in control all of the time. I recently find myself in a situation where I don't necessarily feel like I have to be in charge, because I know everything will be just fine. Maybe that's what we're waiting for, that one person who effortlessly brings it out of us. Flip your hair, put your feet up, and know your man's got it. That's all he wants.. 

Sex in the Dark

I was recently having a conversation with a good friend of mine who happens to be of the opposite sex. It all started while casually scrolling down my timeline on Twitter and I noticed he was ranting about how "weird" it is when women don't want to have sex with the lights on. I asked him what he thought was so weird about it and he proceeded to clue me into his thoughts. As a woman, I find it easy to understand why some women prefer to be half clothed, wear a bra, or just keep the lights off. After trying to reason with my friend and get him to rationalize the idea, I came to my own conclusion... Men just don't understand.

You can tell a woman a million times that you think she's beautiful. The truth is that when it comes down to it, if she has her own preconceived thoughts about her body, she's not likely to "dance for you" like Beyonce. Men will argue and try to convince her that she's the most gorgeous woman he's ever laid his eyes on. They don't see how this strong, independent woman during the day can become such a meek mouse after hours. Sometimes, that's the problem too.. she'll only want to do it in the dark, at night, with some article of clothing on. There's something to be said about how amazing sun-kissed skin looks, but this is something your lady is likely to admire on her own time. Almost every woman has an insecurity about herself. Whether she is overweight, has stretch marks and cellulite, scars, or nothing at all, nothing you can say will make her feel any different about herself.

I've heard plenty of men say how when the clothes come off they don't see any flaws, just woman. They've also said to me that if insecurities were their issue, they wouldn't get naked in front of us either.. being as they're not as easy on the eye as the ladies. Men aren't looking for saggy boobs, perfect skin, or a cellulite free booty. They just want their lady to see what they see. The only advice I can give to men who are going through situations like these is to be patient. It may take a while, or it may not take long at all but eventually she won't have a problem letting you see all of her at the same time.

Ladies, my advice to you is to just forget about your personal insecurities. If he doesn't see them, don't be the one to point it out to him... I know it's easier said than done but try it.. You have nothing to lose ;-)