"Hey lady, let me tell you why I can't live my life without you. Every time I see you walking by I can not breathe. You don't understand, but in time you will. I must make you understand.. I wanna be your man."
That introduction was brought to you by a little inspiration from one of my favorite movies. A lot can be said in this entry based on the lyrics to that song. We could discuss how back some years ago songs were sweet tales of how to romance your lady and the difference to how most songs out right now are only talking about one night stands and cheating on your girl. That's not where I'm trying to go with this, though I have a long list of comparisons. Music just ain't what it used to be.
Getting down to business. I want you to really analyze the lyrics to this song. I wanna be your man. Whew! Ladies, when was the last time you heard something like this? I feel like men these days are taking advantage of good women and letting these women go simply because they refuse to become an official couple. I can remember a time when every woman longed for the day when the guy they were seeing would officially ask them to be their girlfriend. It seems like this doesn't even happen anymore. They leave it up to your imagination. How do you present this man you've been seeing for 7 months to your friends and family? Do you say, "this is my boo, Tony", or "this is the man I'm currently sleeping with but I don't know if this is really going anywhere so you may not even see him at the next event?" A grown woman should NOT have to be questioning where she stands with a man and I feel that this is a mistake many women, including myself, have fallen victim to.
I can't say the men are completely to blame here either. We make it easy for them to settle into a relationship which they can gladly walk out of, no strings attached. Many of us find ourselves cooking, cleaning, taking care of him in all ways possible, giving him no legitimate reason to even consider changing things to make it official. How much more official can it really get? Deep down it may even make you comfortable and figure that since everything is going well, why add a title? I'll tell you why right now. This is a cop out for many men. The whole "we don't need a title" thing is all BS. Why? Because when the relationship has run its course and you ask for an explanation, his response will always be "you weren't my girl."
Let's be realistic here. As women we think that by bringing up the whole "girlfriend" thing we're pressuring them into it. We want this to be a natural transition and have this romantic idea of how we want him to ask. Well, I choose to no longer assume what my status is with whoever it is I date. I believe by stating expectations from the very beginning of the relationship you can avoid a lot of drama and plenty of heartache. I speak from experience when I say that hearing how I wasn't the "girlfriend" cut deep. Again, we play the role of Susie Homemaker, not asking for anything but clarification in return, only to have it thrown in our face once it's over. The truth is that if everyone states their expectations from the beginning, no one gets hurt. Now, if he tells you he's not ready for a relationship, and you are... run! This is going to be a never-ending cycle of "what if" for you.
I am a strong believer that at a certain point in life there's no more time for games. If you feel that you're not ready for a relationship and find yourself with a woman who is, either decide you're willing to take up a relationship or don't continue to lead her on. Save yourself a headache in the long run.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Monday, January 16, 2012
Sex in the Dark
I was recently having a conversation with a good friend of mine who happens to be of the opposite sex. It all started while casually scrolling down my timeline on Twitter and I noticed he was ranting about how "weird" it is when women don't want to have sex with the lights on. I asked him what he thought was so weird about it and he proceeded to clue me into his thoughts. As a woman, I find it easy to understand why some women prefer to be half clothed, wear a bra, or just keep the lights off. After trying to reason with my friend and get him to rationalize the idea, I came to my own conclusion... Men just don't understand.
You can tell a woman a million times that you think she's beautiful. The truth is that when it comes down to it, if she has her own preconceived thoughts about her body, she's not likely to "dance for you" like Beyonce. Men will argue and try to convince her that she's the most gorgeous woman he's ever laid his eyes on. They don't see how this strong, independent woman during the day can become such a meek mouse after hours. Sometimes, that's the problem too.. she'll only want to do it in the dark, at night, with some article of clothing on. There's something to be said about how amazing sun-kissed skin looks, but this is something your lady is likely to admire on her own time. Almost every woman has an insecurity about herself. Whether she is overweight, has stretch marks and cellulite, scars, or nothing at all, nothing you can say will make her feel any different about herself.
I've heard plenty of men say how when the clothes come off they don't see any flaws, just woman. They've also said to me that if insecurities were their issue, they wouldn't get naked in front of us either.. being as they're not as easy on the eye as the ladies. Men aren't looking for saggy boobs, perfect skin, or a cellulite free booty. They just want their lady to see what they see. The only advice I can give to men who are going through situations like these is to be patient. It may take a while, or it may not take long at all but eventually she won't have a problem letting you see all of her at the same time.
Ladies, my advice to you is to just forget about your personal insecurities. If he doesn't see them, don't be the one to point it out to him... I know it's easier said than done but try it.. You have nothing to lose ;-)
You can tell a woman a million times that you think she's beautiful. The truth is that when it comes down to it, if she has her own preconceived thoughts about her body, she's not likely to "dance for you" like Beyonce. Men will argue and try to convince her that she's the most gorgeous woman he's ever laid his eyes on. They don't see how this strong, independent woman during the day can become such a meek mouse after hours. Sometimes, that's the problem too.. she'll only want to do it in the dark, at night, with some article of clothing on. There's something to be said about how amazing sun-kissed skin looks, but this is something your lady is likely to admire on her own time. Almost every woman has an insecurity about herself. Whether she is overweight, has stretch marks and cellulite, scars, or nothing at all, nothing you can say will make her feel any different about herself.
I've heard plenty of men say how when the clothes come off they don't see any flaws, just woman. They've also said to me that if insecurities were their issue, they wouldn't get naked in front of us either.. being as they're not as easy on the eye as the ladies. Men aren't looking for saggy boobs, perfect skin, or a cellulite free booty. They just want their lady to see what they see. The only advice I can give to men who are going through situations like these is to be patient. It may take a while, or it may not take long at all but eventually she won't have a problem letting you see all of her at the same time.
Ladies, my advice to you is to just forget about your personal insecurities. If he doesn't see them, don't be the one to point it out to him... I know it's easier said than done but try it.. You have nothing to lose ;-)
Thursday, January 5, 2012
5 Words to Prioritize in 2012
Wow, it's been almost a month since the last time I blogged? Excuse me while I smack myself on the back of the head! Well, just be prepared because I have a few posts coming up all at once.
I feel like this is a great first blog for the year. I have compiled a few words which I think we should use more often for our own well being. These are the ones which I thought most important, but feel free to comment and add some of your own.
5 Words to Prioritize in 2012:
1. NO
- If you're like me, you may be known as a "Yes" person. I have a huge heart but people have slowly began to catch on to this and learned to use it against me. I'm always the friend who offers to help save any and all situations. I've slowly learned that saying "No" and knowing when to take off the magic cape is OK every once in a while. It doesn't make you a bad person; neither does it make you selfish or mean. Don't overuse the word, just know that saying NO isn't necessarily a one-way ticket to hell. I'm sure the angels take personal days too.
2. WHATEVER
- Most women are on to something when they use this word. People (particularly men and parents) are quick to say that when using this word women are being dismissive and rude. Not so fast my friends. This is a word which used in numerous ways but is automatically considered a negative connotation. I believe this word can be used as a way to mend. "Whatever, it's his loss." Say "whatever", mean it, and move forward.
3. NOW
- Ahh! Instant gratification. I'm pretty good at this and it is a word for more personal use than anything else. As kids we are taught to get over this phase. "It's mine and I want it now!" When using this word we are claiming what we want. Whether it's eating that bar of chocolate during that time of the month, or claiming that you are opening that business "now", make it happen. Even telling someone, "I want you.. now." Self-gratification is always paid in full.
4. LIFE
- It's simple. Be happy you have one and still have time to make yours count. It sounds cliche but every day you wake up is anther day to be thankful. Yes, we all have problems and situations in our lives we wish were different. Eventually we see how everything really does happen for a reason. I read something once that I'll always remember.. "If we all threw our problems into a hat and grabbed someone else's, we'd be begging to take ours back."
5. SMILE
- "I love smiling. Smiling's my favorite" Buddy from the movie Elf says this all the time. Just smile. It makes people wonder what you did wrong.
Make this the year of change and believe that everything that is good already belongs to you. Seriously. The happier people are, the better the world will become. It all starts with you. Are you up for the challenge?
I feel like this is a great first blog for the year. I have compiled a few words which I think we should use more often for our own well being. These are the ones which I thought most important, but feel free to comment and add some of your own.
5 Words to Prioritize in 2012:
1. NO
- If you're like me, you may be known as a "Yes" person. I have a huge heart but people have slowly began to catch on to this and learned to use it against me. I'm always the friend who offers to help save any and all situations. I've slowly learned that saying "No" and knowing when to take off the magic cape is OK every once in a while. It doesn't make you a bad person; neither does it make you selfish or mean. Don't overuse the word, just know that saying NO isn't necessarily a one-way ticket to hell. I'm sure the angels take personal days too.
2. WHATEVER
- Most women are on to something when they use this word. People (particularly men and parents) are quick to say that when using this word women are being dismissive and rude. Not so fast my friends. This is a word which used in numerous ways but is automatically considered a negative connotation. I believe this word can be used as a way to mend. "Whatever, it's his loss." Say "whatever", mean it, and move forward.
3. NOW
- Ahh! Instant gratification. I'm pretty good at this and it is a word for more personal use than anything else. As kids we are taught to get over this phase. "It's mine and I want it now!" When using this word we are claiming what we want. Whether it's eating that bar of chocolate during that time of the month, or claiming that you are opening that business "now", make it happen. Even telling someone, "I want you.. now." Self-gratification is always paid in full.
4. LIFE
- It's simple. Be happy you have one and still have time to make yours count. It sounds cliche but every day you wake up is anther day to be thankful. Yes, we all have problems and situations in our lives we wish were different. Eventually we see how everything really does happen for a reason. I read something once that I'll always remember.. "If we all threw our problems into a hat and grabbed someone else's, we'd be begging to take ours back."
5. SMILE
- "I love smiling. Smiling's my favorite" Buddy from the movie Elf says this all the time. Just smile. It makes people wonder what you did wrong.
Make this the year of change and believe that everything that is good already belongs to you. Seriously. The happier people are, the better the world will become. It all starts with you. Are you up for the challenge?
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