Single Mothers.

How many of you have kids? How many of you can afford to have them? ... Yea, that's what I thought. I have continuous conversations about people who keep having babies without being able to afford or care for them. I've noticed lately how many of the people that I am surrounded with have at least one child. I was actually starting to believe that maybe it was me who was doing something wrong. You can find me traveling, going out for a drink, or sleeping in.. I mean, I am in my 2os... and single!

I'm not saying that you shouldn't have kids in your 20s.. if you can do it, more power to you. What upsets me is that many of you are out here getting pregnant by men who you know will not be there to provide for their child and leave you to take care of it on your own. I look up to and appreciate single mothers who go above and beyond to ensure their child's well being. There are plenty of young women getting pregnant on purpose.. KNOWING that they are setting themselves up for the struggle of all struggles. This just doesn't make any sense to me. 

Why would you think that by you having a baby your man is going to stay with you? Ladies, it is 2012. If we have learned anything throughout the years, it is that there are plenty of men who will not think about it twice if they want to just get up and go. There are good men out there who handle their business and know that even if they aren't with the baby mama they should support their children. Very few in comparison to those who don't care. Even if he's willing to stay, if you don't see any progression in your relationship, leave him! I understand that I don't have kids so maybe I don't understand wanting to have a dysfunctional family. I prefer to be a single mother raising a child in a happy home than to be in a relationship where all we do is fight or just don't want to be together. Don't say you're doing it for the child. The child doesn't know one thing from the next. If they grow up around dysfunction, they will grow to think that it's OK. If they grow up with their parents already separated, but getting along, that is a hell of a lot healthier. But hey, what do I know?

The other thing is.. don't go out looking for a father to compensate for the absentee. Every boyfriend you have should NOT be introduced to your child. Please stop giving children false illusions that every man they meet is going to be their daddy. The man who wants to be there for your child will be there because they want to, not because you aren't giving them a choice. 

For those of you out there who do have your stuff together.. you go girl! For those of you who read everything above and found that I described you in any way.. make some changes. It's not about you anymore. 

Do you know someone who should be reading this? Send it to them! 

The Best Birthday Ever.. Again!

Here we are again.. It's that time of year.. My birthday! 

I know I said this in last year's birthday post, but THIS was definitely the best birthday ever! I mean, at least it doesn't get worse, right?! I'll tell you the story and you'll understand why I may have just had the best day of my life. 

I decided very early on this year that I would be traveling for my birthday. As I've gotten older I want to keep things a little more low key, and I've always wanted to spend my birthday soaking up the sun somewhere. Last month I booked my eight day trip to Miami to spend some time with family and friends just as I had imagined.. on the beach. 

Here's where things get interesting... The day before I flew out, Angie Martinez tweeted about a contest for a private studio session at a secret location with none other than Alicia Keys. As always, I immediately decided that I was going to sign up. Unfortunately, I was not able to sign up from my phone so I let it go. 

When I got home to pack that night, despite everything being so hectic, I remembered to log online to sign up for this contest. Now, I sign up for all things related to Alicia on a regular basis, but I figured "why not?" I filled out the quick application and turned off my computer, making this just one of the million entries I've completed. 

The next morning, I flew into the sunshine state and went to my friend's job. While I was getting my lunch I noticed that I had a missed call. I immediately recognized the number being from the radio station and called back. The girl who answered asked if I was Sasha, and when I said yes, she asked if I had signed up for this studio session with Alicia Keys. I really just thought that she was going to give me some more information on it, instead she said "you won!" My response was "No I didn't!" And I continued to insist that I didn't win until I figured I was being annoying. 

I was afraid to ask when the session was since I was not in Jersey. Good news! It fell exactly on the night of my birthday. Bad news! I would still be in Florida. When I told her, she thought I wasn't going to make it. Ohh, but I would be there. As soon as I hung up I ran to a computer to change my flight. My birthday plans had changed, but it was for the better. My vacation was cut short by FOUR days! I had a whole itinerary for my time there but hey, when Angie calls, YOU ANSWER!

Needless to say how excited I was to be going to this session, and obviously I was taking Kathy as my guest. Do you remember her from last year? We were a little more organized this time around and kept questioning what would be awaiting us. The secret location, by the way, was an awesome studio with lots of history. We got to the line and made a few friends and a lot of small talk. No one knew what to expect. 

Once we got inside, we were greeted by massive amounts of food, drinks, and the best cupcakes I've ever had in my life. Kathy and I sat in the second row, directly in front of the chairs where Angie and Alicia would be sitting. When Angie came out, she had brief conversation with us and got us more pumped up. Can I mention how much I love her though? She is seriously one of the biggest inspirations for the type of person I'd like to be on a professional level. I went to her BBQ this summer and have been following her work for as long as I can remember. I even learned to rap Busta's part in "Look At Me Now" because of her! 

Sorry, I got sidetracked. Anyway, Alicia came in and I was starstruck. I mean, just kidding. She is my BFF, so this was regular to me. We got to listen to a few tracks from her new CD, and a few throwbacks. In between songs she would come up to the audience to talk to us, and every time she walked by us I'd yell out "hey girl!" as I obviously do to all of my friends. Kathy was embarrassed! 

After the event was over, we were able to go take pictures with Alicia. When it was my turn I walked up to her to give her a hug and let her know it was my birthday. We took the picture we were asked to keep walking, BUT I stopped to talk to her. She vaguely remembered me from the meet & greet last year, wished me a happy birthday, and thanked me for going. She is all kinds of awesome and I am and will always continue to be a supporter of her in any way she chooses to express herself to us. Music, plays, movies, books.. I can't even describe my love for her. 

On our way out I was looking for Angie, and found her. She is also a sweetheart and took the time to talk to me as well. I can't complain about anything right now and you can find me walking on sunshine. It has been a whirlwind year and I started it the same way I ended it. Everything has come full circle. We're making this Alicia Keys/Birthday thing a tradition. Mark my words.. remember I said that last year too! Don't doubt me. 

By the way.. did you buy "Girl on Fire" yet? I got my copy today and I'm loving it! 

Until next time.

Not Even The King.

I will be broadcasting my favorite songs of the moment, every Monday. I call it "Music Mania" They will not always be current, or even in English. But I have a tendency to have many favorite songs-- often.. so why not share it with you all?

 

It's only right that I start with Alicia Keys.. of course! Well, it's no coincidence that right now I'm obsessed with her song "Not Even The King".. Listen to it and read the lyrics in the video to see why I can't get it out of my head.. "They can't afford what we got.. not even the king" What do you think of it?? Post your current favorite song for all to hear!  Until next time.. 

Rihanna - Talk that Talk

 

Oh Rih-Rih..

The interview everyone has been looking forward to finally came.. and went. I made sure I did whatever needed to be done for the day so that I can watch my Sunday night line-up without interruption. You would've thought I was getting quizzed on what I was watching. I had my bottle of water, notepad, and chocolate icee on hand and ready for Oprah. And so it began... 

Don't you remember singing along to "Pon de Replay" , not even realizing you were looking at our generation's next big thing? It's easy to forget that Rihanna is so young; we're the same age. She's so accomplished and well known that we don't stop to wonder who she is behind the music... where's VH1?!

I will say that I am a fan of Rihanna, but I'm not as obsessed with her as I am with certain other celebrities *cough, cough* (Alicia Keys).. anyway, I was just as interested to watch Rihanna sit down with Oprah. From the moment the interview started, it was clear that Barbados is the place she feels most at ease-- That was refreshing to see. Even with all of the money and notoriety she has, she is most at peace when she is in her home town. 

Rihanna looked very relaxed during the interview, and from the start you knew you were about to get to know her a little better. She described being idolized and the fear of the pedestal that comes with fame. I'm not famous yet, but I can't even begin to imagine what it must feel like to know you can be held responsible for your influence on the lives of people you don't even know. It's hard enough being a big sister and knowing you have to set a good example for your younger siblings.. but talk about pressure! People are always quick to judge Rihanna and say she needs help because she's always taking pictures partying and drinking.. but guess what.. she's doing the same thing most people her age are doing anyway. I commend her for at least taking the time to try to enjoy her youth.

The part when she began to talk about her "Gran-Gran Dolly" was really sad. It's obvious that her relationship with her grandmother was very special to her. When she began to cry, it humanized who she really is. She has feelings that her tough girl image doesn't let us see.. and I appreciated her sincerity. 

Obviously the highlight of this interview was revolved around the Chris Brown situation. I thought she might try beating around the bush and she didn't. It's easy to judge a relationship from the outside when you don't know what is going on. She wanted people to want to help him during that time, but she knew no one was going to. Rightfully so, she said she was angry and in a dark place for a while after the incident. These situations aren't easy when you're just common folk, imagine trying to move past something in your life but constantly having to address it. Poor Rice Krispie, (Chris's current girlfriend) is probably mad as hell about this interview. No matter how you want to put it, Rihanna and Chris will always love each other... that doesn't mean they're meant for each other. It is what it is-- Young love is not always innocent. 

Rihanna then took us on a tour of her hometown, where she was just Robyn. Everyone was excited to see her and she was happy to stop and talk to them. Humility is an honorable thing, and even if you may not like her as an artist, she deserves respect just for that. I found it hilarious when she went to her old house and asked to walk through it. If that was me I would've been on the phone in my living room like "yea girl, not doing much today.. just have Oprah and Rihanna walkin around the place.. the usual." 

The interview was overall very raw, and very real. At the end, she surprised her mother with a house and before that, let us know that the situation with Chris strengthened her relationship with her father. Sometimes we don't realize that behind every bad thing, something good can come out of it. I hope that after this interview people will let it rest. We got what we wanted. She spoke about Chris and admitted to still loving him and it being awkward when they're around each other. It happens to the best of us. She is no different than we are.. and I think that's what she was showing us.. without even trying.. just being Robyn. 

Until next time.. 

Ask no questions, hear no lies?

A very interesting conversation on twitter sparked up this morning, and it is something worth blogging about. It all stemmed around the question, "is omitting the truth considered lying?" Well, ladies and gents, this is my opinion... 

I'm not a liar, but I will knowingly omit certain things from certain conversations. It's more because I don't think it's your business rather than me hiding something from you. We've all done it. Your mom asks, "where were you?", your response is "After class I went to get something to eat with Julie and did laundry." You clearly skipped the part that while you were doing laundry your boo thang was laying in your room watching a movie with you... but she doesn't have to know that... right?

So did you just lie to your mom? (enter surprised face here) 

Another example is if your significant other goes to a party and when you ask them about it they fail to mention that their ex was there.. did they lie to you? See, I'm not one to ask questions in the first place-- to anyone. One of my biggest pet peeves is to be asked more than two or three questions (that's pushing it) during a conversation. I feel like if I want to tell you something, I'd tell you without having you grill me like some criminal. 

If you are purposely omitting something from a conversation that means you are hiding something. For the most part, I don't have anything to hide so if I'm not telling you something it's for a reason. I will tell you that if one of the few times I do decide to ask you a question and you know why I'm asking you, but you fail to include the information.. my trust in you has officially been jeopardized. 

Now, we all have different reasons for keeping things from someone. Just remember that the quote "everything that is done in the dark will come to light" is nothing less than the truth. It's usually best for people to find out certain things straight from the source than from someone else... that will cause a whole kind of unnecessary problem. 

Until next time.. 

Cheater's Delight

 

I don't even know where to begin with this post. This conversation is one that I hear over and over again. We've heard about it in the news; celebrities and us regular folk alike. 

"She's a home-wrecker."

After time to process everything I've seen, read, and heard.. I've come to a realization -- there is no such thing as a home-wrecker.

You may be wondering what kind of idiotic conclusion this is... Of course there are women who throw themselves on men who are married or in committed relationships. They flirt, wink, show a little leg.. even that corny little laugh where she'll playfully nudge him just to get a chance to touch him and see his reaction. This is all an obvious attempt to see how interested the man is in her. As women, we often throw subtle, and sometimes not so subtle hints at men letting them know we're into them. Whether we are doing it intentionally or not, we are sending them a message.. I want you. 

In my opinion this doesn't necessarily separate one woman from the other. Flirting is basically human nature for both sexes. Fighting temptation is the battle. People are quick to judge the Alicia's, Angelina's, and Gabrielle's without knowing the full situation. Although some people do just cheat for the hell of it, the thrill, if you must.. others will stray away from their relationships because they are no longer happy within that relationship. No one forces anyone to have an affair, not only a physical, but an emotional one. 

I'm not here condoning a cheater, or a woman who is deliberately trying to take a man from another woman. Anyone who chooses to give in to that temptation is solely responsible for their actions. You can have all of the temptation in the world it is up to you and ONLY you to choose what it is you want to do. You have the power to say no, or even avoid the situation getting too far. Everyone is quick to blame the "home-wrecker" but very few put blame on the person who chooses to leave the relationship. This leaves the woman with the Scarlet letter pinned to her chest all of her life, whether she stays with this man or not, while he gets a "get out of jail free" card. 

I know there are some of you who disagree, and that's perfectly fine. This is always going to be a debatable topic. I just felt that we need to focus more on what's in front of us rather than what we want others to believe. Neither person is a victim here. As conscious adults, the decision to participate in these actions is mutual. Any self respecting person who flirts and doesn't get the response they want, will stop. It only continues to build up if the other person allows it to. That being said, now how about you just don't cheat. Make the conscious decision to either work on your relationship or get out of it.. that way no one cheats and no one wrecks a home. Simple. 

Until next time. 

 

EOF 2012

This is an open letter to my EOF students who just completed their summer program.. 

Dear kiddies, 

You made it!! I am so proud of each and every one of you for getting through this program. I hope you realize how much you have grown in the past few weeks. Believe me when I tell you that just how these five weeks went by, the rest of your time in college will follow suit. Cherish every moment that you have and don't take anything for granted. Remember that you were chosen from a group of hundreds of applicants because the EOF staff believed in what you had to offer to this school, and to the world.. and we want you to keep in that in mind. 

I don't think I could have asked for a better class to break in my first summer at this college. You have made me laugh, cry, and silently wish I was sitting back in the 5 week program with my own classmates. The relationships you have built here will hopefully continue past your college graduation, and wherever life may lead you. You will always want to look back and have your EOF family to remember these special days that you all shared together. I look forward to seeing you all come by the office to pay me a visit, e-mail, or call me and keep me updated on how everything is going with you. 

Know that you have formed an unbreakable bond with everyone here that you can always depend on. Your college years fly and you will only have the memories that you are creating. You can have fun and still get good grades, just be responsible and know that school does come first. I know some of you have been in situations where you have been discouraged and told you cannot or will not succeed.. you have already proved those people wrong. Continue in the direction you are headed and send any negativity in the opposite direction. You are in control. 

You are a very special group and extremely amazing individuals. EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU has something powerful to bring to the table and I can only hope that you see what I see in you. I've gotten to know you and respect you all... especially for sharing such personal and heartfelt tributes when you didn't even know us well enough to do so. That in itself says a lot about you as individuals. This is one of the reasons I love my job.

        Stay active on campus. Join organizations. Be happy. Enjoy the ride. 


Enjoy the rest of your summer and I look forward to seeing you back in a few weeks... 
                                        *cue the dramatics a la Khaleif & Shabika*